Let's find out just how clever you really are...

Ready? GO!!!

First Question: You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you
are second!

Now answer the second question, but don't take as much time as you
took for the first question, OK ?

Second Question: If you overtake the last person, then you are...?

Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?

Today is definitely not your day, is it? Maybe you'll get the last
question right. Maybe.

Third Question: Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene,
3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?

Answer: Did you Answer Nunu?
NO! Of course it isn't.
Her name is Mary. Read the question again!

Okay, now the bonus round:
A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?

Answer: He just has to open his mouth and ask... It's really very simple...

Headlines from the year 1981
1. Prince Charl'es got married.
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe.
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament.
4. Pope died.

Headlines from 2005
1. Prince Charl'es got married.
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe.
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament.
4. Pope died.

In the future, if Prince Charl'es decides to remarry, will somebody please warn the pope?

Remember when...

A computer was something on TV from a science fiction show
A window was something you hated to clean....
And ram was the cousin of a goat.....

Meg was the name of my girlfriend
And gig was something you did on stage for money
Now they all mean different things
And that really mega bytes.

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano

Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3 1/2" floppy You hoped nobody found out

Compress was something you did to the garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public You'd be in jail for a while

Log on was adding wood to the fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode

Cut you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu

I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash But

when it happens, they wish they were dead.

Love never Dies

Two Lovers plan to Suicide. Boy jumped first; Girl closed her eyes, and returns back saying Love is Blind. The Boy, in mid-air opened his parachute saying Love never Dies...

HOW TO...

How to IMPRESS a WOMAN

Compliment her,
Respect her,
Honor her,
Cuddle her,
Kiss her,
Caress her,
Love her,
Stroke her,
Tease her,
Comfort her,
Protect her,
Hug her,
Hold her,
Spend money on her,
Wine and dine her,
Buy things for her,
Listen to her,
Care for her,
Stand by her,
Support her,
Hold her,
Go to the ends of the Earth for her.

How to IMPRESS a MAN

JUST SMILE ONCE AND HE'S YOURS

Mafia

The old Italian Mafia Don, The Godfather is dying so he called his grandson to his bed.
"Grandson I wanna you lisin to me. I wanna for you to take my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me."
"But grandpa I really don't like guns, how about you leaving me your Rolex watch instead."
"You lisina to me, soma day you goin be runna da bussiness, you goina have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big home and maybe a couple of bambino. Soma day you gonna coma home and maybe finda your wife in bed with another man. What you gonna do then? Point to your watch and say TIME'S UP?"