19 May, 2013

She Was Sooo Blonde

- she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
- she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
- she thought a quarterback was a refund.
- she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
- she thought General Motors was in the army.
- she tripped over a cordless phone.
- she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "concentrate."
- she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
- at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here," she put "Sagittarius."
- she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
- she studied for a blood test.
- she sold the car for gas money!
- when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
- when she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.
- she thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.

07 May, 2013

Little Old Lady

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says,

"Doctor I have this terrible problem with gas, I can't seem to stop farting. They never smell and are always silent but it's still a problem all the same. Believe it or not I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office."

The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."

The next week the lady comes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts stink terribly!"

The doctor says, "Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."