30 May, 2010

more jokes...

Why were males created before females?
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.

Why don't aliens eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.

Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other: "Funny, I smell carrots too".

The fight we had last night was my fault, my wife asked me what was on the TV and I said dust!

What did one ghost say to another?
Do you believe in people?

22 May, 2010

Ever Wonder...

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?

Why doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows XP?

Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

Why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?

Why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?

Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?

Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?

if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

10 May, 2010

financial advice

A young college co-ed came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!"

"I did? What did I tell you?" said the dad.

"You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble."

"What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the state," he said. "there must be some mistake."

"I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds'."

03 May, 2010

Canadian Joke

A Canadian bloke is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.
His friend Randy stops him and asks, "Hey Dave! Whatcha got that case of beer for?"
"Well, I got it for my wife, you see?" answers Dave.
"Wow," exclaims Randy, "Great trade!"