26 June, 2012

Sixth Sense In Women

Also known as 'women's intuition,' this sixth sense thing is no myth. Women seem to know what's going on in their man's lives almost better than they do. Why is this? In the early 80's researchers discovered that women have more connections between the brain's two hemispheres than men do. It's these connections that allow them to put together a puzzle from seemingly unconnectable pieces. That, and they go through all your stuff while you're in the shower!

22 June, 2012


A man goes to Africa on a safari. While there, he comes upon an elephant in great pain, with a giant thorn in its foot. The man very carefully approaches the elephant, and gingerly removes the thorn from its foot. The elephant begins to walk away, then turns and stares at the man for a full minute, locking eyes with him. The elephant then continues on its way. "I wonder if I ever see that elephant again if it will remember me?" the man muses to himself. It is a few years later, and the man is at a circus back in the States. He notices that one of the elephants keeps looking at him, almost like it KNOWS him. The man wonders, "Could this be that elephant I helped so long ago?" He decides to get a closer look. With the elephant still giving him the staredown, the man moves in closer, getting right up in front of the elephant. They lock eyes. A knowing look seems to cross the elephant's face. It reaches down... picks the man up carefully with its trunk... lifts him high in the air... throws him crashing to the ground and stomps him to death! Turns out it wasn't that elephant.

09 June, 2012


If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Sometimes we're not thinking about you. Live with it. Anything you wear is fine. Really. Crying is blackmail. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work. Mark anniversaries on a calendar. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are? You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done - not both. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.