23 October, 2012


Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery!"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is a boxing ring square?

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips after you use it?

Why is it necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

Why is what doctors do called "practice?"

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the third hand on a watch called a second hand?

20 October, 2012

Canadian lumberjack

A Canadian lumber camp advertises for a lumberjack. A skinny little guy shows up at the camp the next day carrying an axe. The head lumberjack takes one look at the puny little guy and tells him to get lost. "Give me a chance to show you what I can do," says the skinny guy. "Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" says the head lumberjack. "Take your axe and cut it down." The guy heads for the tree, and in five minutes he's knocking on the lumberjack's door. "I cut the tree down," says the guy. The lumberjack can't believe his eyes and says, "Where did you learn to chop down trees like that?" "In the Sahara Forest," says the puny man. "You mean the Sahara Desert," says the lumberjack. "Sure......That's what they call it now!"

16 October, 2012

Irishman's Egg

There was once an Irishman and an Englishman who lived next door to each other. The Irishman owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast. One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Englishman's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Englishman pick up the egg. The Irishman ran up to the Englishman and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Englishman disagreed because the egg was laid on his property. They argued for a while until finally the Irishman said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up, whomever gets up quicker wins the egg." The Englishman agreed to this and so the Irishman found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on, he took a few steps back, then ran toward the Englishman and kicked as hard as he could in the balls. The Englishman fell to the floor clutching his nuts howling in agony for 30 minutes. Eventually the Englishman stood up and said, "Okay, now it's my turn to kick you." The Irishman said, "Keep the damn egg."

07 October, 2012

Letter to God

A nice young worker from the Post Office, was sorting through her regular envelopes, when she discovered a letter addressed as follows: GOD c/o Heaven Upon opening the envelope, a letter enclosed told of how a little old lady, who had never asked for anything in her life, was desperately in need of $100 and was wondering if God could send her the money. Well the young lady was deeply touched and arranged a collection from her fellow workmates. She collected $90 and sent it off to the old lady. A few weeks later another letter arrived addressed to God, so the young lady opened it and it read "Dear God, Thank you for the money, I deeply appreciate it, however I only received $90. It must have been those bastards at the Post Office."