29 December, 2012

Using Memory Techniques

Seems that this old couple are having trouble remembering things, so they sign up for a memory course. The course is wonderful and introduces them to a technique called word/name association. They come home and tell all their relatives, friends, and neighbors about it.

Some months later, a neighbor approaches the man as he tends the garden.

"Say, Ed, what was the name of the instructor of that memory course you liked so much?"

"Well, it was... hmmm... let me think a minute... What's the name of that flower, you know, the one that smells so nice, but has thorns on the stems...?"

"You mean a rose?"

"Yeah, that's it... (shouting toward house) Hey, Rose, what was the memory course instructor's name?"

26 December, 2012

Blue Suit

This woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband's funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband to be buried in a dark blue suit.

He asks, "Wouldn't it just be easier to bury him in the black suit that he's wearing?"

But she insists that it must be a blue suit and gives him a blank check to buy one.

When she comes back for the wake, she sees her husband in the coffin and he is wearing a beautiful blue suit. She tells the director how much she loves the suit and asks how much it cost.

He says, "Actually, it didn't cost anything. The funniest thing happened. As soon as you left, another deceased was brought in, this one wearing a blue suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, and asked the other widow if she would mind if her husband were buried in a black suit. She said that was fine with her. So . . . I switched the heads"

14 December, 2012

Definition of Outdoor Barbecuing

It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do.When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion:

- The woman goes to the store.

- The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert.

- The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill, drinking a beer.

- The man places the meat on the grill.

- The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables.

- The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.

- The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.

- The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.

- After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

- The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off".

- And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.

08 December, 2012


Confusion is one woman plus one left turn;

Excitement is two women plus one secret;

Bedlam is three women plus one bargain;

Chaos is four women plus one lunch check!