Play on words
Why do the Irish only put 239 beans in their soup? Because one more bean would be too farty.
What lies on its back 100 feet in the air? A dead centipede.
Why is the letter “C” afraid of the rest of the alphabet? Because all the other letters are Not-Cs.
Who’s bigger, Mr. Bigger or Mr. Bigger’s son? His son, he’s a little Bigger.
"Rick Astley" will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection except one… he’s never gonna give you Up.
Three guys are on a boat with four cigarettes but no lighters or matches or anything to light them with. What do they do? Throw one cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
What do you say to your sister when she’s crying? Are you having a crisis?
To the person who stole my Microsoft Office. You will pay, you have my Word.
Who can shave 25 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.
They told me my blood was Type-A. But it was a Type-O.
What is it called when Batman leaves church early? Christian Bale.
Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing.
I was going to buy a pocket calculator… but then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have?
Did you hear the horse and the pig are dating? They’re in a stable relationship.
What do you call a stuck-up criminal going down some stairs? A condescending con descending.