Short Funny Sentences
They say milk is good for your teeth. You know what else is good for your teeth? Minding your own damn business.
We should have a way of telling people their breath stinks without hurting their feelings like: "Well I'm bored, let's go brush your teeth."
A cop with a drug sniffing dog said to me "This dog tells me you're on drugs" I said "I'm on drugs? You're the one talking to dogs!?
I can always tell when they use fake dinosaurs in a film.
"I love your hair."
"Aww thank you!, I grew it myself!"
I hate when I'm about to hug someone really sexy, and my face hits the mirror.
If I have 10 ice cubes and you have 11 apples how many pancakes can fit on the roof? Purple. Because aliens don't wear hats.
Everyone: If you keep listening to your music so loudly you'll be deaf by the time you're 20 Me: What?
Don't try to understand women. Women understand women and they hate each other.
I lost a very close friend last week. He got his finger caught in a wedding ring.
"I'm not like most girls."
I'm really glad we don't have to hunt our own food anymore.... I don't even know where sandwiches live.
If A-B-C-D didn't drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn't have to be so rushed.
Another day has come and gone and I still haven't used algebra.
How do homeless people manage to get those expensive tattoo's?
How can flies just simply enter your room through a two inch cracked window yet have no idea how to exit through a wide open door?