Great Writer

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

Funny

Q: Why couldn’t the blonde write the number ELEVEN?
A: Because she didn’t know which one came first!

Q: Why did eighteen blondes go to the movies together?
A: They heard that under seventeen weren’t admitted!

Q: How can you steal the window seat of a blonde on a plane going to London?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.

Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box tops?
A: So they can tell if they are going to work or going home, while on the bus.

Q: What are the blonde’s first words after 4 years of college?
A: “Would you like fries with that?”

The Execution

Three women are about to be executed. One’s a brunette, one’s a redhead and one’s a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!" Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!" Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes. The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!" Suddenly the redhead yells, "TORNADO!!!" Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes. By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!" and the blonde yells, "FIRE!!!"

1000$ Contest

There was a blonde who was at an all blonde football game. At halftime she was called down to answer questions to see if she could win $1000. The first question was "what is 10 plus 11?" She hesitates and says, hm... 5! The host says: "no I'm sorry, that's incorrect." All of the blondes in the stadium chanted: “Give her another chance, give her another chance!” So the host agrees and said: “ok how about 5 plus 5?” She answers and says 20. Again all the blondes chanted give her another chance, give her another chance. So the host agrees again and says, ok last chance, what is 2 plus 2. The blonde says 4! and the audience says: "Give her another chance, give her another chance!"

E-Mail

One day a blond went out to check her mail box. There was nothing in it. Her neighbor who was also out there gives her a weird look.An hour later she goes back out to her mailbox and goes back in cause there was nothing in it and her neighbor goes “What the hell is she doing?”An hour later she goes back out side and looks in the mailbox and there is nothing in it. Finally the neighbor gets curious enough to ask her what she is doing. The blone says, “My stupid computer keeps saying you’ve got mail.”

Clinton & Mori

A few years ago, Prime Minister Mori was given some basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets president Bill Clinton.

The instructor told Mori Prime Minister, when you shake hand with President Clinton, please say "how r u". Then Mr. Clinton should say, "I am fine, and you?" Now, you should say "me too". Afterwards we translators, will do the work for you.

It looks quite simple, but the truth is When Mori met Clinton , he mistakenly said "Who r u?" (instead of "How r u?".) Mr. Clinton was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor: "Well, I"m Hillary"s husband, ha-ha..."
Then Mori replied "me too, ha-ha..."

Then there was a long silence in the meeting room!

Puzzle

A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, “Can you help me when you get home?””Sure,” he replies. “What’s the problem?””Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I can’t even find the edge pieces.” “Look on the box,” he said. “There’s always a picture of what the puzzle is.” “It’s a big rooster,” she said. The husband arrives home and tells his blonde wife, “Okay, put the corn flakes back in the box.”

Curse

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a "Curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says "maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."

The old man answers: "I now pronounce you man and wife".

Marriage Jokes

Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

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It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered?!

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It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into Wives

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If u are married please ignore this msg,
for everyone else: Happy Independence Day!

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Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.
After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish.

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There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.

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Girlfriends are like chocolates, taste good anytime.
Lovers are like PIZZAS, Hot and spicy, eaten frequently.
Wife are like Dal RICE, eaten when there`s no choice!

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Man receives telegram: Wife dead should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.

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Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.

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Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!


Special Thanks to Samira

Mechanic

A friend meets up with her friend as she is picking her car up from the mechanic. Her friend asks, “Everything ok with your car now?”The blonde replies, “Yes, thank goodness. I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, so I was relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid.”