Seenus

Three men were sitting on a bench in heaven discussing how they died. The first man said "I died of cancer." The second man said, "I died of tuberculosis". The third man said "I died of seenus". The first two men said, "No, you mean sinus." The third man said "No, I mean seenus. I was out with my best friend's wife and he seen us!"

Funny One Liners

Name your iPod 'Titanic', plug it into the computer, "Titanic is syncing", press cancel, feel like a hero.

If someone says "I love you" and you don't feel the same way, just say "I love YouTube" really fast.

I entered a local joke contest, sending in ten separate puns. I was hoping at least one would win, but unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

I'm not racist. I hate everyone equally.

When people yawn, do deaf people think they're screaming?

Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the main reason I have trust issues.

Galileo: Great mind. Einstein: Genius mind. Newton: Extraordinary mind. Bill Gates: Brilliant mind. Me: Never mind.

Research shows that in 100% of cases, when someone says "Oh no she didn't!", she in fact, did.

Some people need a high five... in the face... with a chair.

I dig, you dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig... Its not a beautiful poem, but its very deep.