Funny One Liners

Name your iPod 'Titanic', plug it into the computer, "Titanic is syncing", press cancel, feel like a hero.

If someone says "I love you" and you don't feel the same way, just say "I love YouTube" really fast.

I entered a local joke contest, sending in ten separate puns. I was hoping at least one would win, but unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

I'm not racist. I hate everyone equally.

When people yawn, do deaf people think they're screaming?

Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the main reason I have trust issues.

Galileo: Great mind. Einstein: Genius mind. Newton: Extraordinary mind. Bill Gates: Brilliant mind. Me: Never mind.

Research shows that in 100% of cases, when someone says "Oh no she didn't!", she in fact, did.

Some people need a high five... in the face... with a chair.

I dig, you dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig... Its not a beautiful poem, but its very deep.