Palestinian & Israelis

'Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Moses. When he struck the rock and it brought forth water, he thought, 'What a good opportunity to have a bath!'

He removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water. When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. An Israeli had stolen them.'

The Israeli representative jumped up furiously and shouted, 'What are you talking about? The Israelis weren't there then.'

The Palestinian representative smiled and said:
'And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech.'

Painting The house

A man's blonde wife decided one day that she was sick and tired of all the blonde jokes, and how all blondes were perceived as stupid and helpless. So, she decided to show her husband that blondes really were smart and self-reliant.

Her husband arrived home at 5:30 walked into the living room and found his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat while wearing a ski jacket over her good full-length fur coat.

"Darling! Are you alright?" he asked with concern.

"Yes, dear. Just a little tired," came the reply.

"What have you been doing?" he asked.

She replied, "Well, I wanted to prove to you that not all blonde women are dumb and helpless. I thought I could do that by painting the living room and dining room."

"Well, you've done that, sweetheart," replied her husband as he looked around, "and a nice job of it too. But... what's the deal with the ski jacket and your fur?"

"Well, I read the directions on the back of the paint can, and it said, `For best results, put on two coats.'"

Daughter-in-law

A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try
and guess which one I'm going to marry."

The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings 3 beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry."

She immediately replies, "The redhead in the middle."

"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"

"I don't like her."

Black Boy

A little black boy goes into the kitchen where his momma is baking. He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face. He looks at his momma and says, "Look, momma, I'm a white boy!"

His momma slaps him in the face and says, "Go sho your daddy what y'all did!"

He walks downstairs to his daddy in the living room and says, "Look daddy, I'm a white boy!"

His daddy also slaps him in the face and says, "Go show yo' grandma!"

The boy scoots over to his grandma's room and says, "Look Grandma, I'm a white boy!"

Once again, he is slapped in the face, this time by his grandma. She tells the boy to go back to his momma.

Once he arrives downstairs, his momma says, "Well, did you learn anything from that?!"

The boy replied, "Sure enough did. I've only been white for 5 minutes and I already hate three black people!"