Winning The Lottery

A guy named Joe finds himself in dire circumstances. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help. He begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery." Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Joe again prays... "God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well". Lotto night comes and Joe still has no luck. Once again, he prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order." Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Joe is confronted by the voice of God Himself: "Joe, meet me halfway on this. Buy a ticket."

Arnold

A blonde guy goes to the big football game, he has great seats on the 50 yard line, 8 rows up, perfect. Just before kickoff he hears someone behind him yelling, "Arnold, we're up here, Arnold!" He turns around and misses the kickoff! A short while later, just as the quarterback throws a long bomb, the same guy starts yelling, "Hey Arnold, we're up here, Arnold!" Again he turns around and again he misses the play This goes on for every big play. He hears the guy shouting, "Hey Arnold, look up here!" He turns around and misses the play. Finally, fuming mad, he turns around, pulls out his binoculars and scans the crowd for the guy doing all the yelling. He eventually spots him, after missing yet another big play. He runs up the stands, nearly to the top of the stadium. Pulls the guy out into the aisle, picks him up by the lapels and shouts, "Shut-up, my name isn't Arnold!"