Scared of Dogs

"I used to be scared of dogs. Then I realized that dogs are just as scared of me as I am of them; they just show it differently. They show it by barking and snapping at me, and I show it by soiling myself." - Dakota Shepard

Joke

An elderly blonde lived on a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border. Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for years. The now widowed blonde, lived on the farm with her son and three grandchildren. One day, her son came into her room holding a letter. "I just got some news, Mom," he said. "The government has come to an agreement with the people in Washington. They've decided that our land is really part of the United States. We have the right to approve or disapprove of the agreement. What do you think?" "What do I think?" his blonde mother said. "Sign it! Call them right now and tell them we accept! I don't think I could stand another one of those Canadian winters!"

Lying Cop

A guy gets pulled over for speeding 88 MPH in a 45 zone. The cop asks for his drivers license and the guy says, "I'm sorry officer, but my license was suspended after my 5th DUI." The cop asks for his registration and the guy says, "It's in the glove compartment, but it's not in my name because I stole this car in a car jacking. I killed the woman that owns the car and stuffed her in the trunk and the gun I used is in the glove compartment. At this point the cop tells the guy to keep his hands in sight and he radios for back-up. When a supervisor shows up, the cop tells him the story and he walks up to the guy in the car. The supervisor asks to see the guy's drivers license and the guy hands it over and it is valid with the guys real name and information. The supervisor asks for the registration and the guy says, "It's in the Glove compartment." The supervisor tells the guy to keep his hands in sight and walks around to the passenger side and opens the glove compartment. There is the registration in the guys name and everything seems in order. Next the supervisor asks the guy to get out and open the trunk. The guy opens the trunk and the only thing there is a spare tire. At this point the supervisor tells the guy what the other cop had told him. The guy says "I'll bet that liar told you I was speeding too!