Saving

The frugal man walked into the house panting and almost completely exhausted. “What happened, Honey?” asked his wife. “It’s a great new idea I have,” he gasped. “I ran all the way home behind the bus and saved 50 cents.” “That wasn’t to smart,” replied his wife. “Why didn’t you run behind a taxi and save five dollars?”

Heaven

A widower who never paid any attention to his wife while she was alive now found himself missing her desperately. He went to a psychic to see if he could contact his late wife. The psychic went into a trance. A strange breeze wafted through the darkened room, and suddenly, the man heard the unmistakable voice of his dearly departed wife. "Honey!" he cried. "Is that you?" "Yes, my husband." "Are you happy?" "Yes, my husband." "Happier than you were with me?" "Yes, my husband." "Then Heaven must be an amazing place!" "I'm not in Heaven, dear."

Public Toilet

I left Montreal heading toward Quebec city, when I decided to stop at a comfort station. The first stall (Toilet) was occupied, so I went into the second one. I was no sooner seated than I heard a voice from the next stall: "Hi, how are you doing?" Well, I am not the type to chat with strangers in highway comfort stations, and I really don't know quite what possessed me, but anyway, I answered, a little embarrassed: "Not bad." And the stranger said: "And, what are you up to?" Talk about your dumb questions! I was really beginning to think this was too weird! So I said: "Well, just like you I'm driving east." Then, I heard the stranger, all upset, say, "Look, I'll call you back, there's some idiot in the next stall answering all the questions I am asking you."

Gym

A man asks a trainer in the gym: “I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use?” The trainer replied; “Use the ATM outside the gym.”

Mother-in-law

Harry and Esther are out shopping one morning when Esther says, "Darling, it's my mother's birthday tomorrow. What shall we buy for her? She said she would like something electric." Harry replies, "How about a chair?"

World population

A couple is reading the paper, the wife says: This article on overpopulation of the world says that somewhere in the world there is a woman having a baby every four seconds! Her husband not to appear uninterested said; I think they ought to find that woman and stop her!