Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the former. (Albert Einstein)
Physics Teacher: "Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple fell on his head and he discovered gravity. Isn't that wonderful?"
Student: "Yes sir, if he had been sitting in class looking at books like us, he wouldn't have discovered anything."
What is the longest word in the English language?"Smiles". Because there is a mile between its first and last letters!
There are 5 birds in a tree. A hunter shoots 2 of them dead. How many birds are
left?2 birds. The other 3 fly away!
At an auction in Manchester a wealthy American announced that he had lost his
wallet containing £10,000 and would give a reward of £100 to the person who
found it.From the back of the hall a Scottish voice shouted, "I'll give £150!"