With your elbow

young lady is giving directions to her new boyfriend to get to her apartment. She says: ''You come to the front door of the apartment complex where I live and look for apartment 14A, and with your elbow push button 14A. Come inside and you'll find the elevator on the right. With your elbow hit 14. When you get out of the elevator you'll find my apartment on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell and I'll open the door for you'' The boyfriend says: ''Dear, that sounds very easy to find, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?''

"Oh my God!! You're not coming empty-handed, are you ?''

Little bird in the sky dropped a shit in my eye
I didn't scream
I didn't cry
I just thanked GOD cows can't fly

Taking A Day Off

Employee: Boss can I have the day off tomorrow?
Boss: So you want a day off. Let's take a look at what you are asking for...

There are 365 days per year available for work.
There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days
off per week, leaving 261 days available for work.
Since you spend 16 hours each day away fron work, you have
used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available.

You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break which counts for
23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available.
With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days,
leaving only 22 days available for work.
You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave.
This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work.
We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time
is down to 15 days.
We generously give 14 days vacation per year which leaves only
1 day available for work and I'll be damned if you are going
to take that day off!

Enjoy and have a nice off day!!!

The Island

A ship sank in high seas and the following people got stranded on a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere:
> A. 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
> B. 2 French men and 1 French woman
> C. 2 German men and 1 German woman
> D. 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
> E. 2 Polish men and 1 Polish woman
> F. 2 Mexican men and 1 Mexican woman
> G. 2 Iranian men and 1 Iranian woman
> H. 2 Arabic men and 1 Arabic woman

One month later, on various parts of the island, the following was
observed:
> A: One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
> B: The two French men and the French woman are living happily together.
> C: The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman.
> D: The two Greek men are sleeping together, and the Greek woman is cooking & cleaning for them.
> E: The two Polish men took a long look at the endless ocean and a long look at the Polish woman, and they started swimming.
> F: The two Mexican men are talking to all the other men on the island trying to sell them the Mexican woman.......
> G: The 2 Iranian men are still waiting for someone to introduce them to the Iranian woman
> H: The 2 Arabic men are looking for a piece of paper so they can throw their mobile number at the Arabic woman !

Link: Funny Fingers