Funny Quotes 3

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
— Emo Philips

43% of all statistics are worthless.

7/5th of all people do not understand fractions.

99% of lawyers are giving the rest a bad name.

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.
— Robert Frost

A professor is one who talks in someone else’s sleep.

Be naughty – save santa the trip.

Better late than... really late.

Chicago law prohibits eating in a place that is on fire.

Crime doesn’t pay… does that mean my job is a crime?

Early to rise, and early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead.

Drugs cause amnesia and other things I can’t remember.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Everyone leaves the world a little better – some by leaving.