Wife Jokes

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said, "Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the kitchen?"

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.

My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, "Where are you going?" My wife said, "I must be late, everyone is all coming back!"

My wife told me the car wasn't running well, there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, and she told me it was in the lake.

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in!"

While driving the car on a cross country trip I decided to lose 120 pounds of ugly fat... I left my wife at a rest stop...