Funny Quotes 4

Everything is always okay in the end, if it’s not okay, then it’s not the end.

Everyone needs believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
— William Claude Dukenfield

Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
— Douglas Adams

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

Hard work never killed anyone, but why risk it?

Help wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.

I can resist everything except temptation. — Oscar Wilde

I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

I don’t care who you are! Get those reindeers off my roof!

I have a drinking problem – the bars close at 2 AM.

I intend to live forever, or die trying. — Groucho Marx

I still miss my ex. But my aim is getting better.

I need someone really bad! Are you really bad?

I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can’t get my wife to go swimming. — Jimmy Carter

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. — Henny Youngman

I’m busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?