More Lawyer Jokes

Apparently the following were actually said in the court:

Lawyer: "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"

Lawyer: "So you were gone until you returned?"

Lawyer: "Were you alone or by yourself?"

Lawyer: "How long have you been a French Canadian?"

Lawyer: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?"
Witness: "I went to Europe, sir."
Lawyer: "And you took your new wife?"

Lawyer: "Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?"

Lawyer: "Do you have any children or anything of that kind?"

Lawyer: "You say that the stairs went down to the basement?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"

Lawyer: "Have you lived in this town all your life?"
Witness: "Not yet."

Lawyer: "What is your brother-in-law's name?"
Witness: "Borofkin."
Lawyer: "What's his first name?"
Witness: "I can't remember."
Lawyer: "He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?"
Witness: "No. I tell you, I'm too excited." (rising and pointing to his brother-in-law) "Nathan, for heaven's sake, tell them your first name!"

The Court: "Now, as we begin, I must ask you to banish all present information and prejudice from your minds, if you have any."

Lawyer: "Did he pick the dog up by the ears?"

Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "What was he doing with the dog's ears?"
Witness: "Picking them up in the air."
Lawyer: "Where was the dog at this time?"
Witness: "Attached to the ears."

Lawyer: "What is your relationship with the plaintiff?"
Witness: "She is my daughter."
Lawyer: "Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?"

Lawyer: "Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?"

Lawyer: "And what did he do then?"
Witness: "He came home, and next morning he was dead."
Lawyer: "So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?"

Lawyer: "Could you see him from where you were standing?"
Witness: "I could see his head."
Lawyer: "And where was his head?"
Witness: "Just above his shoulders."