Funny Quotes 2

The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

He who laughs last didn't get it.

There are three sides of an arguement: your side, my side and the right side.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

In God we trust; all others must pay cash.

Who are you and how did you get in here? Frank: I'm a locksmith. And... I'm a locksmith...

"Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back." - Al Bundy

"Fragile. Do not drop."
- Posted on a Boeing 757

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

All generalizations are false, including this one.

I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.
- Patrick Murray

It is a sad fact that 50 percent of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the other half end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones!
- Richard Jeni

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
- Phyllis Diller

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America.
...
...
The rest cheat in Europe!
- Jackie Mason

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
- Henry Youngman